Home

Advertisement

Previous Entry | Next Entry

And that's all folks...

  • Jun. 24th, 2008 at 6:11 AM
p4 01
I'm just so done. There's no other way to put it. DONE is almost a foreign word to me.. but it still fits here.

It seems I can't do anything right. I offered to scan for some friends that run groups.. and their supposed concern just overwhelmed me.. because honestly, it sounded more like bitching to me. I offered to edit, I offered to proofread, I offered to help with all kinds of various things, for all kinds of various people and groups.. and what do I get in return...? Bitchbitchbitch.. because I'm not putting each of them first and blowing off my real life and everyone else, all so I can focus on them and them alone.

I'm so tired.

And it seems, even though I'm not making patterns for other people this year.. I won't be cosplaying after all. I knew it was quite the crack pipe dream to begin with.. and in my own stupidity.. I believed for an instant.. that it might actually happen.. but yeah.. not so much. And it's not like I can sit and point fingers and scream and yell or anything.. everyone that offered to help, gave as much as they could.. just that fate and destiny stepped in and made it impossible... just like always.

I'm so exhausted.

Even if I finish a UTM scanlation project right now.. I can't even release.. for being the 'boss'.. I'm really quite inadequate. I've never felt so horrible this early in the year.... usually these feelings don't really start setting in until late October/early November.. but it seems this year, my bad luck has decided to plague me now, instead of later. Shit, I don't even want to go to AX anymore.. and if I hadn't already paid and promised so many people I'd go... and my van is full of people I promised rides to.. and I promised my eldest daughter that I'd let her take her sister for the week.. even though fate and destiny hate me.. since it's in my power.. I'm not going to let it ruin other people's plans.

I just want to sleep.

So yeah.. I'm done.. I have no desire to DO anything.. and if I didn't have Daria.. I'd probably curl up in a ball and just sit for a week or so.. I'll probably just end up being an inconvenience to my friends at AX.. and now.. I don't even know if I wanna go to YaoiCon.. I might just blow that off this year too.. *sigh* ..I dunno how I let myself be convinced into going anywhere.. I mean.. seriously.. I'm such a failure of a human being..
  • Mood: blank

Tags:

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
[info]justsonya wrote:
Jun. 24th, 2008 06:19 pm (UTC)
Honey!!! Oh honey!! *hugs tightly* None of that bad stuff is true. *soothes*

We're all only human. Don't judge yourself so harshly, okay? It's not fair to yourself.

And if you do go to Y-con? I'll be right there to keep you company, in my Tenipuri geekness. <3 I'll even let you pick which of my four teams I'll wear. *chu*
| Reply | Thread
[info]lannyworld wrote:
Jun. 24th, 2008 09:05 pm (UTC)
T_T Awwww Lynn!!! ::hugs and more hugs:: You won't be an inconvenience at all by coming to AX!! I'm sure things will be better by then, you'll be on VACATION having fun and molest- uh hugging other people +__+ You're not inadequate at all, look at all the stuff you do. And I say if you don't feel like doing anything right now, then you deserve a break. One day at a time, and before you know it, things will look up again ^_____^
| Reply | Thread
[info]pacificpikachu wrote:
Jun. 24th, 2008 09:12 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry things aren't working out for you. :( You offered to help with scanning things, and if they're going to be bitches to you about it, that's beyond your control and you should just tell them that you don't like how they're treating you over it.

Don't give up on cosplay yet! There's still a week before we leave and you can maybe scramble and get at least some of it done. Even if it doesn't end up finished, you could wear what you do have. Cosplay, as fun as it is, shouldn't be the determinant of whether you have fun or not. If it really doesn't work out before AX, there's always YaoiCon you can work towards.

I know you've had a round of bad luck, and that's awful, but remember what we were saying on the phone about willing good things to happen? You have a week to get a good attitude up and decide you're going to have an awesome time, costume or not. It's fine to mourn the bad things that come up for a day or two, but after that...you might as well make a big effort to have a grand time. There's no reason not to have a great time, whether you cosplay or not.

Anyway, thank you so much for offering to drive me, I appreciate it more than I can say, and let's try to make this trip as fun as we can...right? *Hugs* I know it's disappointing, but you can rise above the disappointment and still go to events, have fun with your friends, and so on.
| Reply | Thread
[info]darkleha wrote:
Jun. 24th, 2008 10:34 pm (UTC)
I appreciate everyone's kind words and thoughts.. but ultimately, what it's all boiled down to.. is that I'm just exhausted. Everyday I get 'is it timed yet?' or 'is it scanned yet?' or 'did you finish proofing this?' or 'have you qc'd that?' Then it's 'did you fill gramma's meds?' or 'have you driven to hell and back to get that pencil!?' or some weird shit. My 15yr old is being super 15.. teenage years hit like a bullet train with no driver.. my 5yr old is being super 5.. like a fly that won't stop buzzing around yr head, or that mosquito that bites you a million times.. I feel like I'm asking my friends for too much.. and even if I did have the material to fix the jacket, my grandmother all of a sudden decided, she absolutely *had* to have her sewing machine back.. because god knows, she might actually get a hole in something between now and when she dies. -_-; I can't order the wig I need for Reborn, and I feel like I'm annoying my friends every time I ask them to.. my jacket is too big, I can't find my compression shirt and the list goes on.

So far, every day, for the last 5 days, I've been hit with a minimum of 3 negative things.. no matter how positive I keep my attitude.. Sunday alone, I got hit with 7 negative things.. and I'm trying to smile, I really am.. but I don't really feel like doing much of anything at this point.. if I do nothing.. people will still bitch.. but there won't be anything new to bitch about.. right? *sigh*

Sorry.. the more I talk/open my mouth.. the worse I sound.. I should just shut up... and don't worry, I'll enjoy the con.. I always feel like I'm not me.. that I'm in a whole other world, etc... which right now.. I think I need that more than anything.
| Reply | Thread
[info]photoash wrote:
Jun. 25th, 2008 12:24 am (UTC)
Oh Leha that's a terrible place to be in *hugs* :( I'm really sorry you're feeling so down and that life is treating you poorly.

I can't offer much beyond a sympathetic ear but my unsolicited advice on the scanlation stuff at least is to figure out what group(s) you want to be part of most and which ones make you the happiest and drop the rest -- just tell people that you've got a lot going on in your personal life and you really can't do anything else right now. Life happens, people deal and find alternatives. If you feel this depressed then maybe just focusing on your family and one or two projects/groups that make you happy will help bring you out of the funk?

I know sometimes it seems like one specific group or project can really really bring you down, I have never felt so free and less stressed then dropping a *bad* scanlation group :) they made it before you were there and they'll make it or not after you ... so that's my advice *hugs*
| Reply | Thread
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )